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Today is one of those days............
Today is Cherishs' 22nd Birthday, I have been up and down on feelings all day. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I get mad and then I get depressed......even though I was only in her life for 2 years nothing can ever change my feeling of love and happiness with her. She was a very strong little girl who showed the world no matter what happens in life you fight and you fight hard. She fought for as long as she could. She finally decided enough is enough and went home to heaven, I just hope if I am ever put in her situation I can be as strong as a 2 year old little girl.
I wonder what it would have been like to have 2 sisters growing up, would she had been quiet and shy like Casey? Or would she have been outgoing and wild like me? Today would have been a day we would celebrate her birthday with cakes and balloons and presents, family and friends.....instead I take beautiful bright blue, green, pink and orange flowers to a grave where I sit and look at a headstone with a little angel holding a teddy with the words
"Cherish Danyell Jennings"
"April 27th 1989- December 20th1991"
"Our Darling Angel"
I want to go back to the days where I was the big sister holding my baby sister, kissing her, playing with her.....but instead I use my foot and random twigs to remove mud from her headstone because once again her headstone is sinking into the ground on the left side......
I think to myself of the days to come when I do get to be with her again and I become very emotional......
I try to walk away but then feel as if I am abandoning her here all alone.......
I finally decided it was time to go, my husband follows me ever so quietly back to the car, nothing has been said the 30 minutes we have stayed at her grave, once in the car I couldn't leave I sat for another 10 minutes or so and begged God to give me the strength I needed to leave her their once again....
God answered my prayer as I started my car and drove away on the cloudy rainy sad 22nd Birthday....
